In August 2011 I joined the Pathways fan club. In the months leading up to my entrance into the dungeon, I was completely hopeless, afraid, angry, mad, in denial and at the end of my rope. All it took was for my sponsor to send me a letter saying that I deserved more, to forever change my and my son’s life. When I first looked into attending, the time commitment and money were the biggest negatives. Without the help of friends and the Pathways General Tuition Assistance, I would have never attended this life changing program.
I am forever in debt to the people who played a dramatic role in me finding myself. Yes, I did the work, but I was in such denial of the Truth that I couldn’t see past helping others to help myself. This was the first safe place for me to express myself. The countless secrets I held in my heart, the thoughts that only stayed in my head and the desires I were never shared, were allowed to be expressed, shared and embraced during my time in the Core Training. With those dark secrets being embraced, I allowed myself to grow and evolve into the woman that I had wanted to become.
During P2 my father was awarded the Step Beyond Scholarship, but by P3 he chose not to attend. While I took this as a personal attack from him, my heart was telling me it was really about me, not him. So I attended SB, and could not have imagined a complete graduation without Step Beyond. I embraced the opportunity to really explore what my spirit is, both with Christ and in a worldly life. During this training I learned that my ego and my spirit were both competing for love. My ego needs others to tell me how awesome I am, yet my spirit needs quality time and love. Months later I am able to decipher the difference, and I am more aware of my purpose behind actions.
The most honest training I had was in Empowered Training. The realization that you parent like your parents because that is all you know, struck hard at my heart. I am willing to do the hard to change the cycle I was born into. Being a single mother is tough, but I don’t feel the need to find a partner to complete my family anymore. The two year old tantrums are manageable now because I understand what my triggers are with him, and when I want to give up. Giving up is not an option anymore, just drive to be a better and stronger parent.
After one year of starting this process I have hope, love, peace, self respect and honesty. The biggest change for me is that I don’t take things as personal anymore. There is a lot of freedom in not taking things as an attack, but opportunities to grow. With this training, and my hard work, I am able to live the life I want. My son and I are a complete family and have so many blessings to be thankful for. Every day is a choice and I’m thankful that I am a work in progress. I’m grateful for the people that stood in the gap for me while I found myself. My son and I are forever changed by the love that was given to us. And while we are happy, we are still evolving and trusting in the process.
I am a strong, empowered, Godly woman who is hopeful, beautiful and worthy of God’s love, who happens to be a kick-ass mom!